• emkate_utter

Day Fifteen: Obsession

How dare she leave me?

Just when I needed her most.

Couldn’t give her what she wanted.

So she makes up some excuse about why it’s not working.

But that’s what relationships are – work.

And you don’t bail just because it’s hard.

That’s what love is.

Sticking with it, even though it’s hard.

She’s spoiled.

And she’s an opportunist.

I just keep thinking about all the good times.

All those moments and memories

Now for nothing.

She’s just thrown them away.

For a green card.

She needs to be reminded.

Of all those good times.

If I text her every day, she will remember.

If I send her a letter in the mail, she will remember.

If I message her through Instagram AND what’s app – she’ll surely remember.

Tag her in old photos.

Send her youtube videos of crucially important songs from our relationship.

Send her messages through mutual friends.

(tell them she’s a slut and an opportunist – somehow this will work in my favour)

Send her flowers on her graduation day

With a note

I wont sign it though. I want her to wonder.

If I do all these things, she will remember.

She will remember that I love her and that she loves me too.

I am owed another chance.

I didn’t even do anything wrong.

Though I’ll tell her I can change in the letter that I’ll send.

Even though I have no intention of changing.

She’s the one that has to change.

She’ll need to move, for one.

She’ll need to stop trying to be a writer, for two.

She’ll need to prioritise me more.

And think for herself a lot less.

She will have to facilitate my needs

Whilst I continue to completely ignore hers

But I will tell her I love her.

I will tell her I love her as I hurt her.

Everyone else will think I’m wonderful

And if she ever tried to talk about it they will tell her she’s crazy because I am wonderful

She is crazy.

Fucking mental.

Telling me I’m controlling

And narcissistic

That I never listen

That I warp her words

That I am a fatalist when it comes to any argument

I told her once that I thought about jumping in front of a train

That no one knows me like she does

That I can’t trust anyone else

That she is my life line

That I had given up a lot for her

That I would cheat on her if she wasn’t careful

I told her all that and she still left

Because she’s crazy

Listens to her mother too much

Lets her anxiety get the better of her

I’ll tell her that but also complain about the medication she takes

Because it makes her sleepy

And I have needs late at night that I need her to facilitate

Besides, the more clearly she sees things

The worse it is for me

Can’t have that

Can’t have her thinking for herself

She’s crazy

And stupid

And a slut

And an opportunist

And she left me when I needed her most

And I love her – you hear?

This is love.